Tuesday, November 25, 2014

My Non-Pinterest Thanksgiving

As the big day looms near, I am beginning to re-think my offer to host Thanksgiving at my house.

It seemed like a good idea around November 3rd when I realized it would be at my mother-in-law's house down our driveway.  For years she has said she's "never doing this again" and in an effort to reduce her stress, I offered up my house.

 - insert finger-gun-pointed-at-my-head gesture here -

My 1000 square foot house.

Actually none of this is the scary part.

The scary part is that the bloomin' turkey is 47 pounds.  That's not a typo.  47# bird.

He started out pretty small.  And I don't even know if this is the
turkey - it's a really cute picture, thought.

He was a well fed bird.

Now that I've been thinking things over, I'm pretty sure I should be heading for the hills.

I might (might) have found a pan big enough for him.  He will fit in the oven - I've measured.

But the fact that I have been pretty lacsadasial about the whole thing is pretty much bugging the hell out of everyone around me.

Here's the deal.

This is not going to be a Pinterest Thanksgiving.  

There will be no fancy centerpiece (did you miss the 47# turkey part? Centerpiece enough), we will be using Costco cheapo white paper napkins, the chairs aren't going to match and the platewear just might if no one brings a buddy.  And you use your fork for turkey and dessert alike; no do-overs.

I am going to divvy out the to-do list with abandon.  I don't care if I make the rolls or my mother in law buys them.  I wasn't going to make them from scratch anyway.  The potatoes will be peeled, cubed, boiled and smashed with milk.  Done.  No chives, no chicken broth, nothing "fancy".  Maybe butter.  (And this is if they even get peeled in the first place!)

 I might brine the thing if I can find a bucket big enough.  And clean enough.  which means probably not  The turkey is going to be put in a stapled together brown paper bags and put in the oven. The stuffing will be Stove Top.  There will be no individual Brownie Trifles for dessert (although probably some time in December just because), but there will be Costco Pecan pie with Costco whipped cream in the aerosol bottle because it came in a three pack.  Thanksgiving via Costco.

Bottom line, the fanciest thing is going to be glazed carrots.  Only because I like them.

And the carrots are still growing in our garden meaning they're free.

So I am not going for Pinterest Perfection.  I am going for relaxed family, food and football time and praying like hell that the bird gets fully cooked.  Not aiming for picture perfect.


Although I promise to take pictures if the turkey catches on fire.

In case you still don't believe the 47# part...  The best photo I could get of the turkey on the scale without the turkey landing on my foot (over and over and over).  Yes, it only says 45, but by the time I balanced the turkey-filled cooler on my toe, on the scale, and got the camera in my hands, my toe-lift pressure lowered it two pounds.  Really, it is 47#

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